Today is 1st September 2010. My mixed-feeling made me feel uncomfortable since last night. Actually I didn't understand what kind of feeling that disturb me so much today. But the one that I realize is I'm not able to achieve my target for the month of August..
Since morning when I woke up for Sahur and Qiyamullail, I was thinking too much.. I saw my planner. I wrote notes at my calendar. I just can't say anything because I stayed alone at my room. I looked around of my room which messy with books and notes everywhere. Sadly speaking, I'm very sad in the beginning of September... Since morning of this first of September, I just pretend to be happy especially in front of my students. I can't show my weakness to them because I am the one who advice and motivate them to try harder in everything in their life..
It was my own mistake to not arrange and manage my time efficiently..
It was my own decision to take a responsibility of working..
It was my own intention to make a target for every month..
It was my own responsibility to accept all that will be happened after this..
And I have to redha for everything and take this challenge of life with patience. I have to be strong inside and outside. I have to look forward and think positive.. The most important, I have to change myself..
Another reason that make me sad is, Ramadan will end soon... And there are a lot of people outside there ignoring the last 10 Days of Ramadan and start busy preparing for Eid. I always remind myself and told my students that, please appreciate the time that we are in the Holy Month of Ramadan and grab all the opportunities to get His blessing and Love in this month..
Ya Allah, make me strong and patient to receive any test from You..
Ya Allah, give me a chance to face the Powerful Night of Ramadan..
Only YOU knows everything..
No more tears,
c3.1, IIUM Library
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