Tuesday, 26 June 2012

A Lovely Month

Alhamdulillah, thumma Alhamdulillah, thumma Alhamdulillah

It has been a month to grab the title of WIFE with a very huge responsibility and Amanah~ 25 May was the date that my husband experienced himself for the first time to say "Aku terima nikahnya.." which make our relationship halal till the Jannah, insyaAllah...

And today, all the hardship and difficulties that we faced before the Walimah still can be remembered and will be unforgettable. Thank You Allah for every single ni'mah that you shower both of us and our families and Alhamdulillah for everything...

In this entry, I would like to share a motivation especially to myself on how to be a highly effective wife. Indeed, I'm still learning and will never stop learning for I realize that time to spend with my husband will be longer than the moment that I spent with my parents. I have to prepare for unexpected things but must polish myself first before look into others differences or weaknesses. So, let's see what I found in THIS BLOG. It is a very beautiful writing and beneficial sharing which can be used as my reference, but I will alter these habits and adapt to my own way.

  1. Stay Healthy and Get Outside!

    This is by far the most important habit a Muslim Wife can do to make a successful marriage.

    **We still in practice this habit. Firstly, I'm cooking! Because I'm sure that healthy food can lead to the healthy body. I'm still learning to try new recipe and make cooking as my new hobby, even though previously I don't cook frequently. Secondly, weekend is the moment that we spend time together with healthy activities such as jogging at the park or cleaning home together.
  2. Listen and Be Supportive

    One of the best things a Muslim Wife can do for her husband is be supportive.  We all know the famous story of our Beloved Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him; after receiving revelation, he came straight home to his nurturing wife, Sayyidina Khadija, may Allah be pleased with her.  She wasn’t on the phone with her girlfriend nor was she too busy on the computer, she was ready to comfort and listen.

    This starts as soon as your husband comes home through the door.  Greeting your husband with a salaam, a smile and a hug is sure to set a peaceful atmosphere right away.

    A Muslim Wife is attentive to her husband’s needs.  If he is holding something in his hands, like groceries, take them from him, hand him a glass of juice or have some fruit or snacks readily available.  These small gestures show simple kindness and goes a long way.

    If your husband had a hard day at work, the initial greeting will soothe him.  Thereafter, if he needs to vent about his boss or co-worker, listen to him.  A good listener asks questions, makes good eye contact and reassures with nods and affection.  Initially, take his side!  If things are said that you don’t agree with, wait until a better time to give advice.  The first initial response he is looking for is support and kindness from his wife, even if he is wrong.  Thereafter, of course you can give advice and guide.Another tip – remember names of people your husband says.  A week later after the work problem is over, simply ask your husband, “Is everything okay with Michael, now?” He will be happy that you really listened by remembering names.

    So, lend a good ear and your hearts will come closer together.

    **I wish I could a good listener and the best supporter for my husband, insyaAllah..
  3. Be Creative – Change is Good! 

    Small changes creates new growth and stimulation to your relationship without falling into boredom and we always feel like “we’ve just moved in” every time we change things around.                                                                                                                                        **Good idea, indeed. In fact, everyone is creative, but we have to respect each others' creativity. Due to a fact that we are newly wed, so we live in a new house for the first time. Each of us has our own creativity especially in arranging household or decorating home and so on, so we share the idea and choose which one is the best. I respect his idea, and he did the same thing too. Change will reduce the boredom that usually attack the marriage after a long period of time.
  4. Engage in Good Conversation – Learn New Things

    Engaging in meaningful dialogue that does not consist of talking about family, friends or every day matters can boost your marriage. Very easily we can fall into talking about what’s happening in our lives right now, which is fine and needed.  However, your relationship truly grows and tests new boundaries when you learn new things and share them with your spouse.

    When other temporary things fall away that make you happy – a good conversation can last a life-time.

    **The newly wed like us will enjoy the conversation together because we still in th mood to understand each other. Sometimes, we do not need a verbal communication, non verbal communication will be sufficient and help the relationship too
  5. Be Alive and Excited about Life

    Do you remember the first time you met your husband?  Probably one of those awkward meetings or something.

    There are so many things to be excited and alive about in the world!  You might need a change in your circle of friends (who really do have a big influence on how you see and do things) or you might need a new hobby or need to get outside and get fresh air on a regular basis.

    Being energetic and happy and willing to try new things with your husband is an important aspect of marriage.  Being grumpy and unmotivated can lead to a whole bunch of problems for both of you.

    Find a new friend or a new hobby or a new book and get excited about life.  Your husband will notice the energy and cheerfulness in you and you could change the atmosphere of your home and relationship just by changing your mood.

    **Once in a time, we flashed back how we met and what are our feelings towards each other four years ago. It successfully made us smile and laugh at ourself. :)
  6. Have One Good Girl Friend (Or Mom) – Share your Problems with Grace

    There are some things that you just need to tell a girl friend because she will just understand and some things you can only tell your husband and it is important to know the difference.
    It is very easy to get so comfortable with our husbands that we share some  things with them that they really could be spared.  There is a certain kind of respect and dignity a husband needs to have.  And, sisters, there is a certain level of respect and dignity he also has for you, too. 

    In the same vein, sisters should not tell other sisters their husband’s secrets!  It’s okay to seek advice but not in a way that can make your husband lose respect in front of your friend. Your husband can be your best friend and will be with you to the very end, inshaAllah.  It is not worth it to lose your husband and what matters to him over a friend who no matter how close they are, can end up not being there for you in the end.

    **He is my husband, my best friend, my everything!
  7. Dress Up and Smell Good – Take Care of Your Outward and Inward Appearance

    Finally, after years of searching for the “one” you are married!  You look into the face of your spouse and you think, “so it was you” that I was meant to marry.  And, the marriage chapter of your life begins. Marriage is “half our deen” and now that there is this one man in your life, this is your chance to make it everything you’ve ever dreamed of.  And one fun thing a Muslim Wife can do is simply dress up and smell good.

    Taking care of personal hygiene and working on yourself inwardly is sure to add to your overall character.  Reading Quran, catching up on a Islamic lecture, praying and making heartfelt dua’a all add to the beauty of you. So, strike a balance between the outward and the inward appearance of you and watch the positive benefits come into your marriage and family.

    **I have to be beauty in the eyes of him even though i will be not beauty in front of others. I believe that beauty is in the eye of its beholder. I accept him as he is, not others, hopefully he is accepting me sincerely for the sake of God.
  8. Be Affectionate – Don’t Hold Back Your Love

    Culturally, many sisters can bring a lot of baggage to their marriages and it is not our fault because it’s the way we’ve all grown up. Some of us have been too immersed in Western culture and seen all the movies that we have expectations of our husbands to act a certain way or we are the complete opposite where we have been so sheltered that marriage and the thought of living with a boy (when you are married) is strange and almost – wrong!

    And, it is strange.  All of our lives, sisters grow up in the homes of parents only to leave them (quite suddenly) to live with a complete stranger (most people only know each other for a short while before they get married.) 

    But, the truth of the matter is that marriage is a noble sunnah that is one of the most beautiful aspects of our deen.  And, one of the best things a Muslim Wife can do is to be affectionate, even if it has to be learned over time.  This is your husband now.  The one man that you married and will be married to for ever, inshaAllah.  Be affectionate with your husband, whatever that means to you, and the affection will lead to a closer and more connected relationship. 

    Human touch, whether it be holding hands or a hug, leads to Mercy (Rahma) in relationships whether it is with your husband, sister friends or even your parents.  So, be affectionate often and reap the benefits.
  9. Go the Extra Mile – He’ll Notice (Hopefully)

    Going the extra mile means doing something for your husband that goes above and beyond what he expects of you. 

    If he asked you to make a meal for his family, it means you go all out and make the dishes with care and effort. If you are going out for a special day, it means you take time to find the right outfit and perhaps wear it a bit differently than he is used to.  It could mean sending him a random text message to say you are thinking of him or a random e-card.

    It could mean spending extra time listening to him talk to you about his concerns without you changing the subject.  It could mean baking home-made cookies, inviting him on a special day you have planned, making him a gift or cleaning his desk space. 

    It could mean wearing earrings if you normally don’t at home, or giving him free time to work-out or for his hobby, or even helping him get ready in the morning with a packed lunch with a nice note inside. The ideas are endless and with a bit of extra time and effort, your husband will appreciate the little details you’ve paid attention to, inshaAllah.
  10. Say “Thank You” – Be Grateful for Small and Big Things

    One of the hadiths that scare me to death is the one that says, “The majority of hell is made up of women who were ungrateful to their husbands.” Yikes! Nauzubillah...

    So, say thank you every night to your husband before you go to sleep for anything and everything that he has done for you.  Don’t overlook things you have got used to like him buying groceries, helping out with dishes, listening to your problems or simply going to work everyday. Remember the big things and the small things and soon all small things will turn into big things for you, inshaAllah.

    Thank him sincerely: “Thank you for helping with the dishes because it really cuts the time out I have to spend in the kitchen.” Rather than simply saying thank you, explain yourself to him and tell him why it’s important to you and that you noticed.

    He will feel happy that he could help and may make him feel like doing it even more for you!  Most importantly, give thanks to Allah, most Generous, and He will increase your marriage even more, inshaAllah.

**Thank you Abang for everything..

O Allah, may You pour blessing upon blessing into our marriage insyaAllah...

1 comment: